Saturday, December 27
memory
Today I get to thinking about friendship. I got a chance to check out some of the old friends' picture and how they are still hanging out back in Thailand and it got me thinking how much I've missed out from them. We had been together since the first grade, through thick and thin of all the drama from the 12 years in school, and they still keep in touch. I wonder, if they still think of me when I barely think of them? I got to question about the strength of friendship and how it would last. People say that you need to put an effort to make it last and sometime it is just about how we are comparable to one another. Although I'm in a position where sourrounded by loving friends I never had, I cannot stop but wonder if this relationship with last. The one I had with those friends back home gradually die over time that we have been apart, so will that apply to this current one I'm having? The thought gave me a fright because that would be suck. It is not just a thought of loosing friend but also a part of me that I have left when I am with them. Chuck once said that "it is your life and people are just living in it", I find that truthful and too real to accept. Yet again, too pessimistic. It seems like I only have one pair of eyes to look foward and one brain to think of my memory.
Wednesday, December 10
Breaking the Pattern
Chrsitina is having her better day today. First of all, she would like to say that the "fire ritual" is definately hot and she will make sure her presence will be there. But as a reminder, Christina thinks that the burn will also need sometime to heal, so please don't expect her to just immediately "get over" whatever she wishes to burn in that particular event: message directly to Blair :D anyway, "let's move on"
I realize I have gain 4 pounds over thanksgiving and by munching on ice cream and eating my own feeling. Got stood up on monday by this big bitch, but that was all right. I could careless of him. It seems as if things will never get better. But today, I decide to take matter in my own hand. I went runing in the morning for like 2 miles and do other cardio excercises, and it felt good.
While in the gym I saw Brent playing with his ball under me while I was running on top. As a reminder, Brent is my class mate who I have a crush on: have an eye on, is a better word. We say hi to each other and suddenly things seem to brighten up. I love his smile and the way he give back to me like he really mean it and smile about that too. That's just the biggest turn on. He was by himself with his big basket ball rambling alone, but surprisingly, seems so enjoyable. I watch him as I run and it feels like I have been liking him for a such a long time.
That's when I realize that Brent has some resemblesnces to Lazar.
Hate to admit that perhaps my pattern goes: blonde: white: stupid-looking.
Well, not always. I like Brent's mystery of his quietness and shyness. He doesn't speak much, but I always see him able to work things out by himself. Perhaps he is a man of a few word but hits all the right spot. That is, aside from his charming physique, the new-found attraction I find in men. The mystery.
I realize I have gain 4 pounds over thanksgiving and by munching on ice cream and eating my own feeling. Got stood up on monday by this big bitch, but that was all right. I could careless of him. It seems as if things will never get better. But today, I decide to take matter in my own hand. I went runing in the morning for like 2 miles and do other cardio excercises, and it felt good.
While in the gym I saw Brent playing with his ball under me while I was running on top. As a reminder, Brent is my class mate who I have a crush on: have an eye on, is a better word. We say hi to each other and suddenly things seem to brighten up. I love his smile and the way he give back to me like he really mean it and smile about that too. That's just the biggest turn on. He was by himself with his big basket ball rambling alone, but surprisingly, seems so enjoyable. I watch him as I run and it feels like I have been liking him for a such a long time.
That's when I realize that Brent has some resemblesnces to Lazar.
Hate to admit that perhaps my pattern goes: blonde: white: stupid-looking.
Well, not always. I like Brent's mystery of his quietness and shyness. He doesn't speak much, but I always see him able to work things out by himself. Perhaps he is a man of a few word but hits all the right spot. That is, aside from his charming physique, the new-found attraction I find in men. The mystery.
Monday, December 8
Saturday, December 6
the Happening...
You are Cordially Invited to be there!!!
Dear, writers!
I'm delighted to inform you that there is an event, that we are all going to attend. It has to happen before the New Year, early in the morning of the new day warmed up by the fire, and later on by the intensity of the golden Californian Sun. It will be special, and hopefully very meaningful to each one of us. If there is a reason for you guys not to attend this event, we better make sure you do, so please tell me or Blair if there is any possible time conflict (Serena). Pardon me, I still did not explain the location, which is still undecided, however I am quite sure it's going to be on the sands of the Huntington Beach.
A list of things to burn:
1. Resolutions
2. Something you would like to let go of
3. Something you want to change within yourself, in other words improvement for better, and all that shizzz
4. A representation of one person you would like to forgive, and apologize to
5. An object that is very important to you, but is hurting you emotionally
6. A wish for someone
A list of things to brung:
1. Blanket for yourself
2. Ipod and speakers
3. Food and water
4. Candle for yourself - decorate one of those from the dollar tree store
5. Firewood, liquid, matches
After the "fire ritual" we close our eyes and say whatever we feel like saying, so you don't have to say anything if you just fall asleep right there. (For example, "I love you..." etc. Yes, Christina, you have to do this too) If you're still awake we will proceed with the closing ceremony, where each individual lights up their candle, and places it around the pit to die out on it's own. And we leave to eat some breakfast or sleep.
Hope didn't miss anything...
Charlie and Blair
Dear, writers!
I'm delighted to inform you that there is an event, that we are all going to attend. It has to happen before the New Year, early in the morning of the new day warmed up by the fire, and later on by the intensity of the golden Californian Sun. It will be special, and hopefully very meaningful to each one of us. If there is a reason for you guys not to attend this event, we better make sure you do, so please tell me or Blair if there is any possible time conflict (Serena). Pardon me, I still did not explain the location, which is still undecided, however I am quite sure it's going to be on the sands of the Huntington Beach.
A list of things to burn:
1. Resolutions
2. Something you would like to let go of
3. Something you want to change within yourself, in other words improvement for better, and all that shizzz
4. A representation of one person you would like to forgive, and apologize to
5. An object that is very important to you, but is hurting you emotionally
6. A wish for someone
A list of things to brung:
1. Blanket for yourself
2. Ipod and speakers
3. Food and water
4. Candle for yourself - decorate one of those from the dollar tree store
5. Firewood, liquid, matches
After the "fire ritual" we close our eyes and say whatever we feel like saying, so you don't have to say anything if you just fall asleep right there. (For example, "I love you..." etc. Yes, Christina, you have to do this too) If you're still awake we will proceed with the closing ceremony, where each individual lights up their candle, and places it around the pit to die out on it's own. And we leave to eat some breakfast or sleep.
Hope didn't miss anything...
Charlie and Blair
IDK
She was going to write about her man first, but i guess i have a luxury of time, while she's too busy reading the second Twilight book. i do not know why, and i have no idea how i may like someone like him. What is the point of going into the desert with no water, risking it all, just to get disappointed, and blended in within the stars, sand and wind. Cold wind. The wind that sharply cuts my cheek bones, that apparently are too highly placed for some people.
I hate it, how Rene says that the guy he raped is the right one for him. The right guy doesn't treat you like a disposable plate. The right guy doesn't fuck you like if you're a slut, raping and forcing to do something you don't want to do. The right guy is not the one who doesn't care, and you, Rene, would not cheat on him, if he really was THE ONE.
I would want to think IDK is the right one, but i do not believe he is. He says he's straight, but hey, i gave up all other connections, just for him. He's not the cute one. He probably is the smart one. He's not the rich one, but i bet he's a believer, or rather a dreamer, yet suppressed by something. I'm not hoping for anything, but I still can't let go, i just don't know how to do it. I don't Know. I Don't know. I do not know.
I have no reason to be furious and give in to rage. It's not like it's others fault it's not working out for me, or is it? But i know that this time it is not my fault. So Christina, don't tell me that I deserve it... okay.
Now to Christina: Wow, what a day you had there! Well, we read it here all together, and here is what i think: very poetic... it's vulnerable... not the spelling you used. But hey, don' give up your hope. I hate it when people tell you the time will come and you will have it all... but that's exactly what i want to say to you!
to my wife: I'm happy for you... and you know why!
to S: Love ya. =D... hope you're having a lot of fun with santa.
<3 Charlie
I hate it, how Rene says that the guy he raped is the right one for him. The right guy doesn't treat you like a disposable plate. The right guy doesn't fuck you like if you're a slut, raping and forcing to do something you don't want to do. The right guy is not the one who doesn't care, and you, Rene, would not cheat on him, if he really was THE ONE.
I would want to think IDK is the right one, but i do not believe he is. He says he's straight, but hey, i gave up all other connections, just for him. He's not the cute one. He probably is the smart one. He's not the rich one, but i bet he's a believer, or rather a dreamer, yet suppressed by something. I'm not hoping for anything, but I still can't let go, i just don't know how to do it. I don't Know. I Don't know. I do not know.
I have no reason to be furious and give in to rage. It's not like it's others fault it's not working out for me, or is it? But i know that this time it is not my fault. So Christina, don't tell me that I deserve it... okay.
Now to Christina: Wow, what a day you had there! Well, we read it here all together, and here is what i think: very poetic... it's vulnerable... not the spelling you used. But hey, don' give up your hope. I hate it when people tell you the time will come and you will have it all... but that's exactly what i want to say to you!
to my wife: I'm happy for you... and you know why!
to S: Love ya. =D... hope you're having a lot of fun with santa.
<3 Charlie
Wednesday, December 3
All in One Day
Today the snow came down hard. I had to present my final model to the public eye in the common area where I was critiqued. One of the TA gave me such a bitchy comment and asked so much question that I literally had to pull an idea out of my ass. But that was okay. I also played a pee-ka-boo game with the men I had had crush on. First it was Jordan the black guy. I pretend to go visit his work and ask too many question to get some attention, then there was nothing. Second time it was with Robert the Polish guy. We talked a little and I knew that he paid little attention to me, then there was nothing. The third time it was Nate my class TA. He asked how I pronouce my real name and that somehow gave me a little excitement, then there was nothing. The fourth was my classmate Brent. We had had many conversation about our background. I loved how he wore this tiny black gloves and hat on a snowy day and imagined to myself what would it be like to hold those hands in a particular snow day. Then there was nothing. All that were there were their wide shoulders moving away as our conversation ends. Sometime, I guess I change my hair or clothes just to catch their attention. And although I fantasize about having sex with them, what actually that I need from them is understanding and taking me as I am. Girls are for friendship, but Boys are for holding hands when I am vounrable. Is it too complicate of a thing that they cannot comply to me? Or I just appear too troublesome?
It is just a feeling. I wish I were a real man, so none of these would matter at all.
It is just a feeling. I wish I were a real man, so none of these would matter at all.
Wednesday, November 5
my best guy straight friend
my best straight guy friend vince emailed me a couple of weeks ago. he said that he would be spending the holidays here in the states and i was thrilled. i could not wait to see him since its been 4 years. he emailed me a couple of days ago and gave me a contact number. i called it this morning and he answered. i was so excited. it was like high school all over again except we're older and more mature but still having those high school jokes. it was like we never changed. as we talked, i missed home more. i miss everything that's great about my own country and hometown. i missed my school, family, friends and the loves i left behind. i felt sad and happy at the same time.
we were talking about a road trip to see each other and it was really nice. we both even went to mapquest to see where we are and discovered that we're 400 miles away!! it was funny...we're still the same.
i miss vince so much. he's like my connection to home. he said he missed me too and i love the way that our friendship is still there even if we havent seen each other for 4 years. i told him that i dont have money to go there and im really poor right now and he promised not to leave the US until we see each other.
i missed my best friend but now im happy that im finally going to have a connection from home. we have a lot to catch up on. i better log out coz ASSHOLE DAN is almost off work.
= S =
we were talking about a road trip to see each other and it was really nice. we both even went to mapquest to see where we are and discovered that we're 400 miles away!! it was funny...we're still the same.
i miss vince so much. he's like my connection to home. he said he missed me too and i love the way that our friendship is still there even if we havent seen each other for 4 years. i told him that i dont have money to go there and im really poor right now and he promised not to leave the US until we see each other.
i missed my best friend but now im happy that im finally going to have a connection from home. we have a lot to catch up on. i better log out coz ASSHOLE DAN is almost off work.
= S =
Monday, November 3
Saturday, November 1
another day of "you shoulds"
im sitting here at starbucks and i thought that it would be just a typical day...which it was.
DAN again bombarded me with YOU SHOULDS.
i hate it and its like i have a choice. i hated what he said last night. i was in a bad mood because of my past and that he's happy with how his life is right now and for some reason i took it out on him. i didnt do it on purpose and then out of nowhere just blabbed and said, "you're like that coz you got what you want from me." its so bad of me to admit it but a part of me is thankful and relieved but nonetheless, its not like im just going to walk away just because of that.
he's always challenging me to just give up, break up but he never has the guts to do it and when he does and i ask him not to, he would often be persuaded that he should stay. men and their inconsistencies. its to typical. why is it so hard for them to adjust to us? why is it so hard for them to just be softer sometimes? why is their ego so fucking big? i hate it.
there was a time in my life where i swore off men and im in that point where i want to swear off love because its gone.
what the hell.
im not making sense. fuck this shit. DAN is totally driving me crazy.
= S =
DAN again bombarded me with YOU SHOULDS.
i hate it and its like i have a choice. i hated what he said last night. i was in a bad mood because of my past and that he's happy with how his life is right now and for some reason i took it out on him. i didnt do it on purpose and then out of nowhere just blabbed and said, "you're like that coz you got what you want from me." its so bad of me to admit it but a part of me is thankful and relieved but nonetheless, its not like im just going to walk away just because of that.
he's always challenging me to just give up, break up but he never has the guts to do it and when he does and i ask him not to, he would often be persuaded that he should stay. men and their inconsistencies. its to typical. why is it so hard for them to adjust to us? why is it so hard for them to just be softer sometimes? why is their ego so fucking big? i hate it.
there was a time in my life where i swore off men and im in that point where i want to swear off love because its gone.
what the hell.
im not making sense. fuck this shit. DAN is totally driving me crazy.
= S =
they said that loving someone means letting go.
they also said that loving is letting go of fear.
i experienced that last night when i felt more emo than chuck.
letting him go for the better good of everyone around is something remarkable that i thought i'd never do. although i did not really have him for almost 4 years now, he was always in my heart no matter what. i thought that i would eventually fight for him in the future but things change and plans somehow lose its goal. i wanted to be with him to feel alive again but i cant do that anymore. its nothing more than a memory now.
having to do the right thing for him, his child and myself was an event that i never imagined of doing but i did. i made a decision that would make my suffer and be blessed at the same time. i would suffer greatly for the loss but i would be blessed threefold for doing the right thing for everyone.
i would have to admit that it was hard for me but after what i did and the events the took place, i felt relieved.
i guess true great love is letting go of fear.
i realized that i have a great true love for him because i have gotten over the fear of losing him so that i could do something right this time. i wanted to regret it myself and i kept on asking, "what the fuck am i doing? im such an idiot," but instead i felt the opposite. i did not regret what i did and i did not regret having to have helped him, his child and the mother of his child.
i prayed that someday i would feel that desire to love someone a greatly as this.
i prayed that someday i would feel that love that he has given me all these years.
i prayed that someday i would feel that i want to give love tremendously for someone like him.
i prayed.
that's all i can do and im thankful to myself because after such a long time, i actually sacrificed, gotten hurt and ironically felt great at the same time.
great love requires sacrifice and i just realized how my love may have saved both our souls.
= S =
they also said that loving is letting go of fear.
i experienced that last night when i felt more emo than chuck.
letting him go for the better good of everyone around is something remarkable that i thought i'd never do. although i did not really have him for almost 4 years now, he was always in my heart no matter what. i thought that i would eventually fight for him in the future but things change and plans somehow lose its goal. i wanted to be with him to feel alive again but i cant do that anymore. its nothing more than a memory now.
having to do the right thing for him, his child and myself was an event that i never imagined of doing but i did. i made a decision that would make my suffer and be blessed at the same time. i would suffer greatly for the loss but i would be blessed threefold for doing the right thing for everyone.
i would have to admit that it was hard for me but after what i did and the events the took place, i felt relieved.
i guess true great love is letting go of fear.
i realized that i have a great true love for him because i have gotten over the fear of losing him so that i could do something right this time. i wanted to regret it myself and i kept on asking, "what the fuck am i doing? im such an idiot," but instead i felt the opposite. i did not regret what i did and i did not regret having to have helped him, his child and the mother of his child.
i prayed that someday i would feel that desire to love someone a greatly as this.
i prayed that someday i would feel that love that he has given me all these years.
i prayed that someday i would feel that i want to give love tremendously for someone like him.
i prayed.
that's all i can do and im thankful to myself because after such a long time, i actually sacrificed, gotten hurt and ironically felt great at the same time.
great love requires sacrifice and i just realized how my love may have saved both our souls.
= S =
Friday, October 31
bullshit
hey bitches!
like you always would know, i hate DAN.
we're still here in the house and i dont know if we're going to leaving or going or leaving. fuck, he cant make up his mind. he's still into the "did you talk to your guy friends or what???"
hah.
i dont know what to do anymore.
help me LORD!!
= S =
like you always would know, i hate DAN.
we're still here in the house and i dont know if we're going to leaving or going or leaving. fuck, he cant make up his mind. he's still into the "did you talk to your guy friends or what???"
hah.
i dont know what to do anymore.
help me LORD!!
= S =
Thursday, October 30
Monday, October 27
haller!!!
this is the bitch speaking and you guys better listen up!
just kidding...i mean, I am a very nice person and I am here to listen to those who needs an ear. I can lend it to you.
But!!! I just want to say, before anything else, that I think that all you guys need to pull it together!!!
just kidding...i mean, I am a very nice person and I am here to listen to those who needs an ear. I can lend it to you.
But!!! I just want to say, before anything else, that I think that all you guys need to pull it together!!!
Sunday, October 26
Hook up or not to hook up?
Well, basically, after i was done with my homework, i've decided to ring my beloved you know who... Let's give him a name, shall we... Uma. lol... And he did not pick up... I was waiting for him to call me back, and i guess it won't happen, and if it does i will be happy. What are my chances though?! so i've decided to say whatever to it, and all depressed went home to do my fucked up laundry.
I had an offer to hook up just about 40 minutes ago, and i was about to do it... but something stopped me. I don't know what...
Maybe it was a desire to change my lifestyle....
Maybe it was because of Uma who doesn't even care...
Maybe it was a sign from the Lord...
But whatever it was, i've decided to just break it off... I guess i really am growing up... or am i?!
XOFU
I'm Chuck Bass
PS: i feel screaming: "LIFE!!!! FUCK YOU!" =D
I had an offer to hook up just about 40 minutes ago, and i was about to do it... but something stopped me. I don't know what...
Maybe it was a desire to change my lifestyle....
Maybe it was because of Uma who doesn't even care...
Maybe it was a sign from the Lord...
But whatever it was, i've decided to just break it off... I guess i really am growing up... or am i?!
XOFU
I'm Chuck Bass
PS: i feel screaming: "LIFE!!!! FUCK YOU!" =D
Saturday, October 25
Fasting Day
Today Christina feels a little pissed from envying the bitch who gets to eat my crush. So she is on strike to fast a little and go work out after she is done with her architecture hw.
Wednesday, October 22
coffee distraction
I felt anxious all day thanks to a mocha drink I had earlier in the day. I've heard that coffee can detoxicate your body system and decide to try it a little. Anyway, things are great.
I met Samuel and Hoon up for lunch and was happy to see that Samuel wore my coat I bought for him from Urbanoutfitters last winter. I was right about what should look good on him. The coat is grey double-layered buttons with a bright purple filling inside. I actually wanted it for myself too! It cost me around $60...
Chuck seems to be having a great dinner today with his soon-to-be-lover, and I'm happy for him. And I mean that!
Lately I've been looking at myself in a mirror and feel like I'm as thin to a bone. I don't know how much more should satisfy me, but so far, it doesn't I still have an extra love handle which could be an extra skin not fat. I'll just keep going untill my return to California.
Chuck told me that I seem to be depressed oftenly these past few weeks. Am I?
He also ask me before hand if something is going on today with David because he is also meeting with cousine (and does not want me to be bitchy about having the same day issue again!) It will supposely be on a same day because David is free today and him and I used to plan to do things together on wednesday. But I guess it will not happen because it's 8 already here. Chuck told me to give him a call, I was tempt. Although, everytime I call him, I feel like making a mockary out of my feeling to David. It feels like I'm fighting in a court knowing I'll never win. I guess I am not so happy these days, afterall.
I met Samuel and Hoon up for lunch and was happy to see that Samuel wore my coat I bought for him from Urbanoutfitters last winter. I was right about what should look good on him. The coat is grey double-layered buttons with a bright purple filling inside. I actually wanted it for myself too! It cost me around $60...
Chuck seems to be having a great dinner today with his soon-to-be-lover, and I'm happy for him. And I mean that!
Lately I've been looking at myself in a mirror and feel like I'm as thin to a bone. I don't know how much more should satisfy me, but so far, it doesn't I still have an extra love handle which could be an extra skin not fat. I'll just keep going untill my return to California.
Chuck told me that I seem to be depressed oftenly these past few weeks. Am I?
He also ask me before hand if something is going on today with David because he is also meeting with cousine (and does not want me to be bitchy about having the same day issue again!) It will supposely be on a same day because David is free today and him and I used to plan to do things together on wednesday. But I guess it will not happen because it's 8 already here. Chuck told me to give him a call, I was tempt. Although, everytime I call him, I feel like making a mockary out of my feeling to David. It feels like I'm fighting in a court knowing I'll never win. I guess I am not so happy these days, afterall.
Saturday, October 18
while the 2 other bitches sleep
hey bitches!
while B and Chuck are sleeping i was compelled to read Christina's blog.
a shoutout to you CHRISTINA! bravo on pouring your heart our here and that's what this blog is all about. at least we know exactly what you feel and we dont need to guess anymore. i may not know how hard it feels for you right now but i just want you to know that we understand. we may not empathize nor sympathize even but we're here for you with a little EEK.
let me tell you something that i told Chuck a while ago.
i'm happy for him genuinely but i kinda envy him not only because he's happy but because he's feeling all these sorts of feeling when you're in love. i told him that i miss that feeling and i envy him for it even though i kept on saying that it's so corny and it's so pathetic.
I WANNA BE CORNY in LOVE AGAIN!!!
i want to feel that again. i may not be hating on him but i really want to feel what he's feeling right now.
so CHUCK, im glad you've found someone who would make you feel this way. i'd give anything to feel that way for someone again.
on another note, i feel very emotional these days. i just explode on DAN like a time-bomb and i was thinking if it was just me or am i tired of being pushed over by a MAN. you guys know how i hate being controlled and i guess im eating my words. HE DOES control most of my life right now, WHY? BECAUSE I CHEATED, and i hate this fucking line. he needs to get a new one since this shit is getting old. he was complaining earlier that i didnt go to riverside with him, that i didnt give support for him and that im not going stuff what a wife should and i just exploded.like seriously. WTF is he talking about? i may not always be there for him but dont give me this bullshit that i dont support you! you ASSHOLE!!!
sorry guys...i am being emotional right now since im so fed up with this bullshit. i know all of you are tired of hearing this from me. as B would say, "why dont you do something about it?". i am trying but whenever i explain myself to him he doesnt listen to me or hear me out saying that im naive, i dont know shit since im younger and i have no idea on how the world works and i should listen to him since he's older and because I CHEATED.
great.
i hate the fact that im neglected and unappreciated. this is the reason that i slipped twice already. he doesnt know this because i know its wrong to just slip just coz you're neglected or unappreciated but i cant help it. its totally wrong and all or you have warned me about this and yes, i brought it upon myself and i deserve this but then again, cant someone change? that's DAN's effin problem. he doesnt listen to me and he doesnt believe I CAN CHANGE.
buy fucking eyeglasses if you still cant see. bastard.
im ranting again for 15 minutes now. its already 1:18am and i better sleep before B sees im still awake. we have a better day when we all wake up. im glad that i've talked to Christina earlier today and i felt better talking to my "Ray of Sunshine and Hope", im glad that il be with B, my "Intellectual and OCD Guide" and Chuck, my "Love Inspiration".
love you guys, more than ever!
= S =
while B and Chuck are sleeping i was compelled to read Christina's blog.
a shoutout to you CHRISTINA! bravo on pouring your heart our here and that's what this blog is all about. at least we know exactly what you feel and we dont need to guess anymore. i may not know how hard it feels for you right now but i just want you to know that we understand. we may not empathize nor sympathize even but we're here for you with a little EEK.
let me tell you something that i told Chuck a while ago.
i'm happy for him genuinely but i kinda envy him not only because he's happy but because he's feeling all these sorts of feeling when you're in love. i told him that i miss that feeling and i envy him for it even though i kept on saying that it's so corny and it's so pathetic.
I WANNA BE CORNY in LOVE AGAIN!!!
i want to feel that again. i may not be hating on him but i really want to feel what he's feeling right now.
so CHUCK, im glad you've found someone who would make you feel this way. i'd give anything to feel that way for someone again.
on another note, i feel very emotional these days. i just explode on DAN like a time-bomb and i was thinking if it was just me or am i tired of being pushed over by a MAN. you guys know how i hate being controlled and i guess im eating my words. HE DOES control most of my life right now, WHY? BECAUSE I CHEATED, and i hate this fucking line. he needs to get a new one since this shit is getting old. he was complaining earlier that i didnt go to riverside with him, that i didnt give support for him and that im not going stuff what a wife should and i just exploded.like seriously. WTF is he talking about? i may not always be there for him but dont give me this bullshit that i dont support you! you ASSHOLE!!!
sorry guys...i am being emotional right now since im so fed up with this bullshit. i know all of you are tired of hearing this from me. as B would say, "why dont you do something about it?". i am trying but whenever i explain myself to him he doesnt listen to me or hear me out saying that im naive, i dont know shit since im younger and i have no idea on how the world works and i should listen to him since he's older and because I CHEATED.
great.
i hate the fact that im neglected and unappreciated. this is the reason that i slipped twice already. he doesnt know this because i know its wrong to just slip just coz you're neglected or unappreciated but i cant help it. its totally wrong and all or you have warned me about this and yes, i brought it upon myself and i deserve this but then again, cant someone change? that's DAN's effin problem. he doesnt listen to me and he doesnt believe I CAN CHANGE.
buy fucking eyeglasses if you still cant see. bastard.
im ranting again for 15 minutes now. its already 1:18am and i better sleep before B sees im still awake. we have a better day when we all wake up. im glad that i've talked to Christina earlier today and i felt better talking to my "Ray of Sunshine and Hope", im glad that il be with B, my "Intellectual and OCD Guide" and Chuck, my "Love Inspiration".
love you guys, more than ever!
= S =
Friday, October 17
booty call
I dont actually enjoy being treated as a slut or someone a guy would call just to see my cock. Indeed, I resent it. I long for that real intimate feeling of love and care and sex is something that comes as an extra. However, it seems that David is far from what I need like a galaxy away.
I know I should stay positive and be happy for Chuck and may be even a sunshine to Serena, but I feel too negative to shine. I try to be nuetral to Chuck but I hit my limit. Afterall, I'm not about to sugarcoat my feeling to anyone.
I just dont need to hear that "you are a nice guy, you'll find someone" or "it will comes to you, dont worry, you're still young" and the worst of all, "I'm sorry"
There's too many sorry for my sorry-ass life already, I dont need to hear more.
I'm sorry to act like a big bitch. And I'm not even sure if I can still pull myself to stay positive around u guys..
I know I should stay positive and be happy for Chuck and may be even a sunshine to Serena, but I feel too negative to shine. I try to be nuetral to Chuck but I hit my limit. Afterall, I'm not about to sugarcoat my feeling to anyone.
I just dont need to hear that "you are a nice guy, you'll find someone" or "it will comes to you, dont worry, you're still young" and the worst of all, "I'm sorry"
There's too many sorry for my sorry-ass life already, I dont need to hear more.
I'm sorry to act like a big bitch. And I'm not even sure if I can still pull myself to stay positive around u guys..
From you drunk mate
My dear friends.
I think i found him, the one... he is certainly the one... call me gay, but i don't care... he's exactly what i was looking for...
so here is a small note about who he is:
Indian+Welsh...
takes 7 courses. Psych major.
Debate team, Swimmers Team. LGBTRC, Aids walk.... and much more....
He's smart, and cunning... and probably the nicest person you will ever meet + hot...
I can't stop smiling when i think of him - he's something perfect, if you know what i mean.
He's everything i ever wanted in a girl or a guy and he makes me change, i think he will make me change for the best...
I want o be with him, it's more intence then it ever was with bree, or anna.
I feel the buterflies and i dunno what to do with them.
Only thing: I think i'm not good enough for him... please tell me i'm wrong...
But he's everything that i ever wanted to see in a guy or a girl.
He is the one and i know it... sometimes you know it you know... so this timw i knew...
It's not love yet, but it's close to it, very close...
Please, Universe, god, allah, or whoever you are, please let us be together... please... i never asked for much, i will not ask for much, just let us be boyfriends.... Good karma....
because he's so amazing, and so beautiful, inside-out.
I wouldn't be able to sleep because i'm so excited... that's why i got drunk, but if we are together, he will change me for good - i know that...
XOFU
I'm Chuck Bass.
I think i found him, the one... he is certainly the one... call me gay, but i don't care... he's exactly what i was looking for...
so here is a small note about who he is:
Indian+Welsh...
takes 7 courses. Psych major.
Debate team, Swimmers Team. LGBTRC, Aids walk.... and much more....
He's smart, and cunning... and probably the nicest person you will ever meet + hot...
I can't stop smiling when i think of him - he's something perfect, if you know what i mean.
He's everything i ever wanted in a girl or a guy and he makes me change, i think he will make me change for the best...
I want o be with him, it's more intence then it ever was with bree, or anna.
I feel the buterflies and i dunno what to do with them.
Only thing: I think i'm not good enough for him... please tell me i'm wrong...
But he's everything that i ever wanted to see in a guy or a girl.
He is the one and i know it... sometimes you know it you know... so this timw i knew...
It's not love yet, but it's close to it, very close...
Please, Universe, god, allah, or whoever you are, please let us be together... please... i never asked for much, i will not ask for much, just let us be boyfriends.... Good karma....
because he's so amazing, and so beautiful, inside-out.
I wouldn't be able to sleep because i'm so excited... that's why i got drunk, but if we are together, he will change me for good - i know that...
XOFU
I'm Chuck Bass.
Wednesday, October 15
fucked up weekend...i think...
hey bitches!
i think most of the time i am the only one here who actually has the time to write in here since i am the stay-at-home-wifey...and for some reason it sucks. sorry for ranting in here again but this is my only ticket to actually talking to you guys without spending what's left of my minutes which is also frustrating.
i was talking to B yesterday and we've talked about my period and maybe, one of the reasons (scientifically proven) that some girls are delayed for some reason would be because of a lot of environmental causes. one major reason also would be stress. STRESS!!! damn, no wonder that i'm effin delayed because of all the stress that im going through right now. im looking for possible jobs in the OC and SD so that i would not have TOO MUCH free time that makes me so effin bored most of the time.
right now, i wasnt accepted at macy's because either my resume's overqualified since my field is in the medical field and the other would be that i might be looking like an idiot selling shit that i dont even know. oh well. im still looking because i cant be here just doing nothing. if DAN is used to that when i was working back with my former employer, well im different. i cant be just in one place for such a long time. that is also the reason that im in Starbucks right now.
SPOTTED AGAIN!
anyway, i dont know if it would be good news or bad news but DAN told me that we would be going back early tomorrow since he needed to talk to the ARMY.
so... CHUCK, B...
dont get mad at me but i think that he wouldn't be spending time with his parents this weekend and if ever he's not he might ask me to go to effin palmdale. i dont want to go but he would make me use my car since he cant use his AND...i just hate it!!! i thought i was at least going to spend a little time on the weekends with you guys but i guess, DAN ruined it again.
on a lighter note: its not confirmed yet but what i know is that, if he goes to palmdale, his parents wont be going to SD anymore. got it?
oh well. like B would always say, "DAN RUINS EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME!!!"
anyway, il call you guys later. im getting bored again and i need to smoke my frustrations off.
love you guys!
= S =
i think most of the time i am the only one here who actually has the time to write in here since i am the stay-at-home-wifey...and for some reason it sucks. sorry for ranting in here again but this is my only ticket to actually talking to you guys without spending what's left of my minutes which is also frustrating.
i was talking to B yesterday and we've talked about my period and maybe, one of the reasons (scientifically proven) that some girls are delayed for some reason would be because of a lot of environmental causes. one major reason also would be stress. STRESS!!! damn, no wonder that i'm effin delayed because of all the stress that im going through right now. im looking for possible jobs in the OC and SD so that i would not have TOO MUCH free time that makes me so effin bored most of the time.
right now, i wasnt accepted at macy's because either my resume's overqualified since my field is in the medical field and the other would be that i might be looking like an idiot selling shit that i dont even know. oh well. im still looking because i cant be here just doing nothing. if DAN is used to that when i was working back with my former employer, well im different. i cant be just in one place for such a long time. that is also the reason that im in Starbucks right now.
SPOTTED AGAIN!
anyway, i dont know if it would be good news or bad news but DAN told me that we would be going back early tomorrow since he needed to talk to the ARMY.
so... CHUCK, B...
dont get mad at me but i think that he wouldn't be spending time with his parents this weekend and if ever he's not he might ask me to go to effin palmdale. i dont want to go but he would make me use my car since he cant use his AND...i just hate it!!! i thought i was at least going to spend a little time on the weekends with you guys but i guess, DAN ruined it again.
on a lighter note: its not confirmed yet but what i know is that, if he goes to palmdale, his parents wont be going to SD anymore. got it?
oh well. like B would always say, "DAN RUINS EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME!!!"
anyway, il call you guys later. im getting bored again and i need to smoke my frustrations off.
love you guys!
= S =
Tuesday, October 14
SPOTTED: B speechless?
it's been a while since i've written in here caue i have been self-absorbed in my blog lately. I like writing to myself and reading it all over again. If you guys have the time, you can read it.
anyway... as for S, I hope you are not pregnant because it's not the best choice for you right now. You obviously know that but if you are, we will deal with it. Don't worry. I love you and feel better.
Christina? I hope you're doing good and moving on...i dunno...
Chuck? congrats on getting 2 Dior shirts for $5. That was a helluva bargain.
Yeah...i seriously don't know what to say. I was just compelled to put something here.
XOXO B
anyway... as for S, I hope you are not pregnant because it's not the best choice for you right now. You obviously know that but if you are, we will deal with it. Don't worry. I love you and feel better.
Christina? I hope you're doing good and moving on...i dunno...
Chuck? congrats on getting 2 Dior shirts for $5. That was a helluva bargain.
Yeah...i seriously don't know what to say. I was just compelled to put something here.
XOXO B
SPOTTED: Serena - A Stay-Home Girl???
hey bitches.
im glad for my starbucks card because without it, i would never access the internet to vent out my feelings in here. yes, im a stay home girl for the last two days. TWO EFFIN DAYS and i cant take it anymore! i dont knot if i would end up getting used to this shit. usually, you get to be a stay home girl when you have kids or when you're hubby is really rich (and DAN is not even close) to support the both of you but no...he's not. its been only two days and im getting really BORED and FRUSTRATED.
I HAVENT EVEN HAD MY PERIOD YET!!!!
im scared you guys.
what if im pregnant? you guys know i cannot kill a baby inside me? i cannot do that.
i was praying and hoping that im not because financially im not ready to have a baby. i believe that women dont really know when they would be ready for a child and for me, if i had a baby right now i would be ready but im talking about financially...i cannot support him/her and i would feel like a total failure.
oh well...
im blurting out my feelings in here because i cant really talk to DAN about this. i know he's a baby person but to talk to him that i might be pregnant is not a good idea especially with his totally HARD CORE christian parents. they would totally hate me and then after 9 months when they see their grandchild (if ever i really am pregnant), they would adore me and the cute little baby that would looks like me (and no DAN).
wouldnt you agree?
so yeah, anyway...its already 3:30pm. i better go the filipino super market and see what cheap stuff i can still afford to make us a meal later when DAN gets home.
hope you guys have a better day that i do.
love you bitches!
= S =
im glad for my starbucks card because without it, i would never access the internet to vent out my feelings in here. yes, im a stay home girl for the last two days. TWO EFFIN DAYS and i cant take it anymore! i dont knot if i would end up getting used to this shit. usually, you get to be a stay home girl when you have kids or when you're hubby is really rich (and DAN is not even close) to support the both of you but no...he's not. its been only two days and im getting really BORED and FRUSTRATED.
I HAVENT EVEN HAD MY PERIOD YET!!!!
im scared you guys.
what if im pregnant? you guys know i cannot kill a baby inside me? i cannot do that.
i was praying and hoping that im not because financially im not ready to have a baby. i believe that women dont really know when they would be ready for a child and for me, if i had a baby right now i would be ready but im talking about financially...i cannot support him/her and i would feel like a total failure.
oh well...
im blurting out my feelings in here because i cant really talk to DAN about this. i know he's a baby person but to talk to him that i might be pregnant is not a good idea especially with his totally HARD CORE christian parents. they would totally hate me and then after 9 months when they see their grandchild (if ever i really am pregnant), they would adore me and the cute little baby that would looks like me (and no DAN).
wouldnt you agree?
so yeah, anyway...its already 3:30pm. i better go the filipino super market and see what cheap stuff i can still afford to make us a meal later when DAN gets home.
hope you guys have a better day that i do.
love you bitches!
= S =
Thursday, October 9
Christina speaks out again
Firstly, I would like to pay a respect to Yve Saint Lauren. Rest in peace and I hope his line shall continues for good.
secondly, I believe Dan to be cought up in his situation where he feels utterly uncomfortable. I hope Serena will understand that even though u guys are together, that doesnt mean Dan will open up to her that much. Everyone always need his own space, and it is my belief that someone like Dan has such pride that sometime make other percieves him as being in his own world. The question is how u will take him in... I'd say give him distance. I know I am not there to see but this is as much as I can try to be a ray of sunshine!
Dan is a little hard-head. He is too mature to bend for our younger's generation...
Thirdly, Blair didnt told me anything about her graduation? That bidsh ! congratulations anyway!
Today I have a hypothesis to present;Are men from Europe crazy and ambiguous?
I've met Goran from Croatia and Matt from Ukraine. Both are charming with a hint of BO and a very dusturbing manner. They are very loud and sometime rude when asking for a favor. Goran reminds me of the Ahole Serbian the most. After all, their countries are next to each other so I believe they share the same scent of rotten banana. Matt is a differnt. He is very calm and collect which I love. He actually try to talk to me twice in a bath room. Today he dared me to join a cartwheel competition. That's how I know he moved here long ago and was in diving team. Although, I see the same potential just like Ahole Serbian; charming, but you never know if he is being serious or have any brain at all.
I will still have to collect more info to conclude this hypothesis.
secondly, I believe Dan to be cought up in his situation where he feels utterly uncomfortable. I hope Serena will understand that even though u guys are together, that doesnt mean Dan will open up to her that much. Everyone always need his own space, and it is my belief that someone like Dan has such pride that sometime make other percieves him as being in his own world. The question is how u will take him in... I'd say give him distance. I know I am not there to see but this is as much as I can try to be a ray of sunshine!
Dan is a little hard-head. He is too mature to bend for our younger's generation...
Thirdly, Blair didnt told me anything about her graduation? That bidsh ! congratulations anyway!
Today I have a hypothesis to present;Are men from Europe crazy and ambiguous?
I've met Goran from Croatia and Matt from Ukraine. Both are charming with a hint of BO and a very dusturbing manner. They are very loud and sometime rude when asking for a favor. Goran reminds me of the Ahole Serbian the most. After all, their countries are next to each other so I believe they share the same scent of rotten banana. Matt is a differnt. He is very calm and collect which I love. He actually try to talk to me twice in a bath room. Today he dared me to join a cartwheel competition. That's how I know he moved here long ago and was in diving team. Although, I see the same potential just like Ahole Serbian; charming, but you never know if he is being serious or have any brain at all.
I will still have to collect more info to conclude this hypothesis.
silence
hello bitches!
it hasn't even been 24 hours since i last posted something in here and here i am blogging again...could you believe this shit? and you know why? it's because DAN simply decided not to speak to me while chuck and B go out to pick up my brother. this is such bullshit. i don't know what is it with him browsing onto those documents like it would change while he's looking at it. i think it's so stupid. he keeps on reading and reading and browsing like something's going to happen while he's doing it.
DAMN i'm so hating. oh well. fuck that.
i don't know whether his little field trip on Nov. 8th and 9th would happen but i'm giving you guys the heads up.
anyway, i better log off. chuck and B is here so at least the silence last any longer.
= S =
it hasn't even been 24 hours since i last posted something in here and here i am blogging again...could you believe this shit? and you know why? it's because DAN simply decided not to speak to me while chuck and B go out to pick up my brother. this is such bullshit. i don't know what is it with him browsing onto those documents like it would change while he's looking at it. i think it's so stupid. he keeps on reading and reading and browsing like something's going to happen while he's doing it.
DAMN i'm so hating. oh well. fuck that.
i don't know whether his little field trip on Nov. 8th and 9th would happen but i'm giving you guys the heads up.
anyway, i better log off. chuck and B is here so at least the silence last any longer.
= S =
finally...alone in starbucks with my thoughts.
omigoodness!!!
as you guys have heard of before, lil J has been driving me crazy for a year now so what a fuck is new? nothing really. im just glad to be alone with MY laptop, green tea frappe and my almond toffee cookie waiting for chuck. seriously...but hey! why am i calling him lil J???
nevermind, lets just call him DAN since that's suppose to be his name.
anyway, here was the agenda since a million hours ago.
yesterday at dawn around 3am dan and i left for palmdale because he decided to sleep and procrastinate like me about that God damned police report so instead of leaving around midnight, it took us hours before we can actually leave. so yeah, we got there around 5 and took 4 hours to finish. we left palmdale and then headed out directly to san diego since he needed to be there for an interview.
SERIOUSLY, poor Kevin...he's so tired.
before we even got there we already got into a fight since he didnt know where the fuck to go. here's the scenario:
DAN: tell me where...
S: 210 then to the 605
DAN: ok...il just use the nav too just in case
S sleeps in the car...
after a couple of hours...
DAN: wake up we're lost.
S: (thinking to herself..."you have the fuckin Nav, how the fuck can you get lost?")
DAN: here, take the nav and you navigate.
S: how can you get lost? you have the navigator.
DAN: im just asking you to help me, if you dont want to then fine! (gets the nav from S)
S: its not that its just that, you should have woken me up before you got lost so i can help you.
DAN: (shouts) im just asking you to help me, if you dont want to then fine!!! you think you know everything, you cant even help navigate me!
S: (shouts) excuse me! when im behind the wheel driving and we need to go somewhere and I HAVE THE NAVIGATION SYSTEM, i dont need your help to navigate me.
(gossip girl tone...)see how the little boy is upset because S would not help her navigate? poor little boy DAN. so stupid, cant even go places with the navigation system and needs S and the fucking navigator to navigate him.
so yeah, after getting out of that lost issue, S had to pump gas (again) so that they can reach san diego in one piece. when they got there, S wanted DAN to just get ready so that he would make his interview on time but instead, he was on the kitchen and the living room walking around, THINKING!!! WTF????!!!
and yeah, he was 2 minutes late. when he got back from the interview, he said that he needed to come back on friday for another interview and S is hoping that he would in fact get that job so he can make money since S cant work right now and she's running out of funds to support a husband who doesnt work!!!
oh well...
on a lighter note, im just glad that later, chuck and S would drive DAN back to san diego so that he can finish what he's suppose to in there like his interview and then i can just be with B and chuck tomorrow for B's graduation. and on a better note, DAN's parents would come over san diego next weekend and i think its not a good idea for S to come over since they cant fucking sleep in one bed since his parents are hard-core effin Christians to the point where it's already ridiculus. oh well. Sorry God, but they are.
so yeah, right now while he's with his army recruiter, im just waiting for chuck here at starbucks.
SHOUTOUTS:
to B: hope you're ok with your sleeping pattern now for work. miss you!
to chuck: IM WAITING HERE!!! and my condolences to Yves Saint Laurent.
to christina: WELCOME BITCH!!!
to til my next post.
= S =
as you guys have heard of before, lil J has been driving me crazy for a year now so what a fuck is new? nothing really. im just glad to be alone with MY laptop, green tea frappe and my almond toffee cookie waiting for chuck. seriously...but hey! why am i calling him lil J???
nevermind, lets just call him DAN since that's suppose to be his name.
anyway, here was the agenda since a million hours ago.
yesterday at dawn around 3am dan and i left for palmdale because he decided to sleep and procrastinate like me about that God damned police report so instead of leaving around midnight, it took us hours before we can actually leave. so yeah, we got there around 5 and took 4 hours to finish. we left palmdale and then headed out directly to san diego since he needed to be there for an interview.
SERIOUSLY, poor Kevin...he's so tired.
before we even got there we already got into a fight since he didnt know where the fuck to go. here's the scenario:
DAN: tell me where...
S: 210 then to the 605
DAN: ok...il just use the nav too just in case
S sleeps in the car...
after a couple of hours...
DAN: wake up we're lost.
S: (thinking to herself..."you have the fuckin Nav, how the fuck can you get lost?")
DAN: here, take the nav and you navigate.
S: how can you get lost? you have the navigator.
DAN: im just asking you to help me, if you dont want to then fine! (gets the nav from S)
S: its not that its just that, you should have woken me up before you got lost so i can help you.
DAN: (shouts) im just asking you to help me, if you dont want to then fine!!! you think you know everything, you cant even help navigate me!
S: (shouts) excuse me! when im behind the wheel driving and we need to go somewhere and I HAVE THE NAVIGATION SYSTEM, i dont need your help to navigate me.
(gossip girl tone...)see how the little boy is upset because S would not help her navigate? poor little boy DAN. so stupid, cant even go places with the navigation system and needs S and the fucking navigator to navigate him.
so yeah, after getting out of that lost issue, S had to pump gas (again) so that they can reach san diego in one piece. when they got there, S wanted DAN to just get ready so that he would make his interview on time but instead, he was on the kitchen and the living room walking around, THINKING!!! WTF????!!!
and yeah, he was 2 minutes late. when he got back from the interview, he said that he needed to come back on friday for another interview and S is hoping that he would in fact get that job so he can make money since S cant work right now and she's running out of funds to support a husband who doesnt work!!!
oh well...
on a lighter note, im just glad that later, chuck and S would drive DAN back to san diego so that he can finish what he's suppose to in there like his interview and then i can just be with B and chuck tomorrow for B's graduation. and on a better note, DAN's parents would come over san diego next weekend and i think its not a good idea for S to come over since they cant fucking sleep in one bed since his parents are hard-core effin Christians to the point where it's already ridiculus. oh well. Sorry God, but they are.
so yeah, right now while he's with his army recruiter, im just waiting for chuck here at starbucks.
SHOUTOUTS:
to B: hope you're ok with your sleeping pattern now for work. miss you!
to chuck: IM WAITING HERE!!! and my condolences to Yves Saint Laurent.
to christina: WELCOME BITCH!!!
to til my next post.
= S =
Wednesday, October 8
What I do feel like putting on
I've been sitting here bored and decided to let out some of my thoughts on fashion today.
So here we go. Scarves. Knitted ones: they have to be long, strong, wide and very thick. Colors? Anything not to tacky. You can make an interesting knot with it towards your neck, or lower. The beauty of it is the idea of it swiping the floor behind you, surely no one will be able to follow you after you leave in the morning swiping your footsteps.
Second: the usual accessory: a tie, or better to say a bow tie. You guys most likely remember how just a few months ago i got myself a green rose flower made of fabric. What's the use? You put it on the neck and then show everyone how you're blooming. This accessory doesn't only allow to show your identity, but also adds a notion of romanticism, as well as a slight sense of erotic, especially when worn with YSL perfumes.
Third: Vintage looking coats, Old England. Beautiful and simple coats that the lords used to wear just a century ago are not available in almost all of the fashion designer boutiques. Check it out.
Next item that one should definitely have for this fall-winter season are boots, both girls and boys, just make sure those are not the rocker ones, there is so much more to choose from.
Color, as you have probably noticed is grey and violet, i would not say it's purple, because it's more dim and ultra that the purple is. Boring grey is back too, but make sure to add some washed out dark bright color shirt underneath your glamourous jacket.
And lastly. Guy liner is in, maybe it's just halloween theme, but maybe it really is worth something. I'm still thinking is a little of guy liner would make me look way too gay? I guess you never know if you don't try.
Now, here is a note on the tragedy happened June 1, 2008. The era of style ended, with the death of the most famous designer of all. His collections were always beautiful and glamourous, just like NY likes it. The materials were flawlessly knitted and the label became iconic. The best of the best from his desperately patient attitude he would create the pieces that no one else would dare to create. I would doubt that even Vogue's Anna would dare to criticize him.
Rest In Peace, creator of style. R.I.P. Yves Saint Laurent.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article, because i sure did enjoy writing something like that.
Either way, I hope you stay Glamourously ferocious this season.
XOFU
I'm Chuck Bass
just another day
Today I wake up feeling tired. Perhaps it is because I was out in a rain last night for too long and didn't take a shower almost when I got to bed. There is a critique section for my Architecture class and I am totally out of it. All I want to do it just lay down and eat ice cream. I guess I'm starting to eat my feeling again.
Last night I was a bitch to my brother. Basically the dog issue is still up! My brother was complaining about how he hates that my dad always blame him and that they are ment to be enemy forever. I was fed up so I told him I dont care about the dog, and that he has no respect or gratitude for my dad at all. I also said why dont u just move out if there's too much thouble. He didnt reply. I felt bad, but I guess it is something he needs to hear. And I am honored to be the biggest bitch in this house! LOL
I seems to let out a lot of negative energy huh?
or is it the way I write? Who the hell cares anyway.
I'm not feeling down at a moment, I'm just feelin anxious about things. This is the first time in many weeks that I finally have a moment to feel free from burdents aka school work and it just feel a little empty. This is when I feel like spending time with significant other and cuddle and stuff. Well, that is still far from coming true. I may have never had relationship experience with anyone because so far they have been a heart brokening truma. I gave all of my feeling 3 times for the past 5 years and each time was like a stone crush into my heart. They got me tougher. And they also got me more synnical. People may say I am looking in a wrong place "quote on Blair from previous post" but it is where I want them. Well now I'm really getting into emo mode. I'm gonna go smoke some 100 Maroboro and get some ice cream.
Last night I was a bitch to my brother. Basically the dog issue is still up! My brother was complaining about how he hates that my dad always blame him and that they are ment to be enemy forever. I was fed up so I told him I dont care about the dog, and that he has no respect or gratitude for my dad at all. I also said why dont u just move out if there's too much thouble. He didnt reply. I felt bad, but I guess it is something he needs to hear. And I am honored to be the biggest bitch in this house! LOL
I seems to let out a lot of negative energy huh?
or is it the way I write? Who the hell cares anyway.
I'm not feeling down at a moment, I'm just feelin anxious about things. This is the first time in many weeks that I finally have a moment to feel free from burdents aka school work and it just feel a little empty. This is when I feel like spending time with significant other and cuddle and stuff. Well, that is still far from coming true. I may have never had relationship experience with anyone because so far they have been a heart brokening truma. I gave all of my feeling 3 times for the past 5 years and each time was like a stone crush into my heart. They got me tougher. And they also got me more synnical. People may say I am looking in a wrong place "quote on Blair from previous post" but it is where I want them. Well now I'm really getting into emo mode. I'm gonna go smoke some 100 Maroboro and get some ice cream.
Tuesday, October 7
Christina speaks out
Hey bitches, it's Christina Aguilera first time in a house!
I don't know who is who anymore. I know I'm Christina, I dunno about the rest.
The reason why I havent been able to post is because I've been on a tour for too long in my beloved studio where I sometime spend 12 hours in there. It was hilarious! you guys should try once in a while. Another reason is that I'm not such a great learner who can quickly pick up new issues beside porn, which I love...
Today I had to walk through a rain and I was wet all over inside out. I got home and finish a bucket of chocolate-peanut butter ice cream and some Korean noodle. I believe I've lost some weight. I hope you bitches will see the result and salute me :D
Anyway, about my long-gone new puppy, she was dead and bless her short life. I believe it was just not the right time for her to be with my family or perhaps she was fucking unlucky...rest in the dirt, amen.
I'll have to learn more about this blog. I have visit this site before when I was browsing for porn star and got connected to here. OOps I spill my secret!
I don't know who is who anymore. I know I'm Christina, I dunno about the rest.
The reason why I havent been able to post is because I've been on a tour for too long in my beloved studio where I sometime spend 12 hours in there. It was hilarious! you guys should try once in a while. Another reason is that I'm not such a great learner who can quickly pick up new issues beside porn, which I love...
Today I had to walk through a rain and I was wet all over inside out. I got home and finish a bucket of chocolate-peanut butter ice cream and some Korean noodle. I believe I've lost some weight. I hope you bitches will see the result and salute me :D
Anyway, about my long-gone new puppy, she was dead and bless her short life. I believe it was just not the right time for her to be with my family or perhaps she was fucking unlucky...rest in the dirt, amen.
I'll have to learn more about this blog. I have visit this site before when I was browsing for porn star and got connected to here. OOps I spill my secret!
Monday, October 6
Sunday, October 5
That Damn Dog
Christina. You should blog about your dog here. Enough of the damn dog! Just kidding! Can't believe we talked about the dog for over an hour.
But for you... I will offer my condolences. May Fabiella Rest In Peace.
XOXO Blair.
But for you... I will offer my condolences. May Fabiella Rest In Peace.
XOXO Blair.
Saturday, October 4
boredom strikes
hey bitches!
this is S.
I'm done writing in my planner. i've smoked a few, ate like 3 almond toffee cookie and drank my drink. now I'm just talking to chuck and lil J while they are doing their own business. i have no idea what im suppose to do since lil J and i are suppose to leave for palmdale hours ago so that we could do the shit that he's suppose to do for the shop but NOOOOO!!! here we are, the three of us hanging out at starbucks for almost 3-4 hours now doing our own thing.
lil J is so effin slow. i cant take it! he think and when he does think, his brain would have a BRAIN LAG for like hours and even days! GOD EFFIN DAMN IT!!!
i cant take this shit and the worse part is, he effin blames it on me. how lame is that?
so yeah, chuck just saw me writing this so yeah, he's like... "oh my God, you're blogging."
ARGH!!! he even has his effin ipod so he can't hear me and chuck whenever we talk to him. he's in like SELF-EXILE territory or something. i was telling chuck earlier that its so funny how chuck and i would just do our own thing and leave the RETARD in the corner with his drink, ipod and laptop to do his own shit and we're good. he'll be a good retard after that.
oh well. its almost time for blair to leave work.
CONGRATULATIONS in getting a job B!!!
its your turn chuck! get a good job so that we can all be ballin again!
anyway, i think we're going. chuck's showing lil J his new tattoo. so yeah, il write again fosho bitches!
much amor!
= S =
SERENA's BACK!!!
hey bitches!!!
i may not be a BASShole like chuck nor the QUEEN B like blair but hey...i can still say that in every changed person remains a dark side that is just waiting to burst out again not because its who i am but because i am forced to.
i have been patiently been working shit out on my life right now but every single little thing, the fucking cursed "J" is ruining everything that i have worked for.
what chuck and blair said about the room was true.
IT IS OUR SANCTUARY.
blair's also right about the "frustrated or satisfied" part because i am BOTH. satisfied that somehow, im trying to change and somehow frustrated that HE doesn't see that. But yeah, it's not like i can change him either so fuck that thought. its not going to work anyway so its no fucking use.
so for CHUCK and BLAIR, i know I'm not suppose to say sorry but yeah, sorry that i brought LIL "J" to serve as our big elephant in the house. i know that you guys understand me better than anyone PLUS Christina of course!
so yeah, i'll try to write here as much as i can even if I'm in San Diego.
so just here for now.
love you bitches!
= S =
Friday, October 3
The Importance of Being Christina Aguilera
These are the times when you yearn for someone who is not there at the moment.
This time, it is Christina. Where art thou Christina?!?!?!?!?!?
We need you here!!! You are the only person who can make the big giant elephant disappear.
Please come back and sprinkle some of your fairy dust.
XOXO blair
The cursed J is back!
fuckiezzzz..... i hate it... like seriously... ya know blair, it just feels so awkward. Nobody likes that bastard in here, except maybe for serena...
I totally agree chuck. I also hate it cause i need to take a shit and if I do, I can't avoid the cursed J. I am feeling the diarrhea!!!
omg... i'm so lucky i took a shit already, and my intestines are empty.... i don't have to deal with that kind of tension anymore... but there is another kind too.... fuck my life.... and yours too....
We should have escaped when we had the chance and now...it's too late. They should take this out of the room because this is our only sanctuary. This is our only hope and if they bring it here, we're dead!!! We need an escape route!!! help!!!
Thursday, October 2
Spotted: Meet the Cast
Meet "Chuck Basstard." True to the show's character our own Chuck is very much like him. Fashion is a key to his everyday life and is, in fact, an attention seeker. He is our resident bloke who is bound to break hearts or is he? Could it be that he also has a heart hidden deep...deep...deep...down in that dark abyss? That will all be revealed soon enough. In the mean time, this is Chuck: arrogant bastard or sensitive chap?
Meet "Blair Waldorf." People who know her describe her as, to put it in plain words, the bitch. She wrecks havoc and drama but no one seems to blame her. Her mouth shoots deadly words and masterful cliches but sometimes is too fast for her brain. Humor is a big part of her and is pleases her when people laugh around her. Romance is something that she dares not speak of but is she truly cynical? Or is this a cover up for her single life? The truth always comes out. Till then this is Blair: Cynical Bitch or Closet Romance?
Meet "Serena Vanderwoodsen." Along with her beauty and sexiness comes her wild side that always gets her in trouble. A self-proclaimed "low-self esteemer" she has gotten into serious trouble that forced her to change who she is. The resident bad girl and fornication expert has recently been sincerely changing her ways for love. It has been a rocky start and it has not been easy. Keeping busy with other distractions is her main goal. But is this enough to keep her from going back to the dark side? Is she secretly yearning for a different life? We'll keep you posted till then...This is Serena: Satisfied or Frustrated?
Meet "Christina Aguilera." Going out of the box from our gosip girl cast is the perfect way to describe our very own pop star. Daring and so very out there is what kind of a "female" Christina is. He loves to be blonde and slim which is what he thinks the kind of female he ought to be. He is unafraid to be who he is so where is the problem? This may very well be the problem when finding love for he looks for it in all the wrong places. Can our very own sunshine come out of his gloomy weather or will his positive energy ever come back? Till then...This is Christina: Martir of Jerks or Martyr for Love?
4 very different people bound by friendship, "eek", loneliness, understanding, sarcasm and love.
Can they every find true love and happiness?
Will drama strike again?
This is the real life of 4 kindred souls awaiting the next life.
They may very well be on a soap opera every night.
Can they every find true love and happiness?
Will drama strike again?
This is the real life of 4 kindred souls awaiting the next life.
They may very well be on a soap opera every night.
XOXO B
Sunday, September 28
my class tomorrow
Can you imagine that guys?! I have my class only at 1240pm?! wtf!? what am i going to do with that????
GB
GB
Saturday, September 27
From Chuck
Hey Guys!
I miss you so much! And love you so much!
Well, i guess i started out saying my greetings when actually it's not exactly what i was going to say. I forgot, btw - my goldfish memory...
Okay here is my frustration: i just don't get why am i so unfortunate to be the only person in the house where i live, who doesn't have a significant other. Please don't say: "YOU BROUGHT IT APON YOURSELF" - because it won't help trust me.
Okay Diana has sean, Jenny has David, Al has David, Kristina has someone too, and Louie, even they friends actually have something like what romantic love is supposed to be. I have just myself. I must be worse than they are. I must be less beautiful, and less smart, and less everything else. it just really drops a bomb on what is left of my self-esteem.
It's not that i care much, but i want to have something to do, someone to talk to when they are all locked up in their rooms fucking the brains out. oh yeah... making love is a better expression.
GB
Rise and Shine Bitches
I just woke up and i felt like typing something here.
I'm here in my bed using Chuck's laptop while he is sleeping in his bed diagonally from mine. Serena is in San Diego doing God knows what with her husband. Sex probably. Enjoy it while it lasts!!! And the farthest bitch of em all, Christina Aguilera, who is in Wisconsin building some damn models. Feels forever since we've all been together and i just want to say one thing...I LOVE YOU GUYS!
XOXO Biggest Bitch of em all.
Friday, September 26
10 COMMANDMENTS
1. DO NOT write words, such as "SHIT", "BITCH", "FUCK", "SEX"... expressions such as "HOT MESS TRANNY", "BIG BLACK DICK", "YOU WANNA HEAR MY DRAMA", and "I'M A SEX ADDICT"!!!
2. DO NOT waste your time writing in here, when you should be DOING your HOMEWORK, LAUNDRY, TAKING CARE OF YOUR PATIENT, or MODELING A BUILDING.
3. DO NOT think it's a SECRET between the FOUR of us.
4. DO NOT get emotional, feel FREE, write whatever you may be FEELING or EXPERIENCING at the moment.
5. DO NOT drop the KARMIC BOMBS in this blog.
6. DO NOT try to be funny, because no one will be LAUGHING, or if they will you WILL NOT see it anyways.
7. DO NOT discuss SAME or OPPOSITE sex in a sexual way.
8. DO NOT try to communicate on topics such as "ANGELO", "DAVID", "JOSH", "JOE", "JOVAN", "JARRED", or other CHEATERS guys.
9. DO NOT talk about DRAMA, FASHION, GOSSIP GIRL, ETC.
10. DO NOT forget to cross out the word "NOT" everywhere.
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