they said that loving someone means letting go.
they also said that loving is letting go of fear.

i experienced that last night when i felt more emo than chuck.

letting him go for the better good of everyone around is something remarkable that i thought i'd never do. although i did not really have him for almost 4 years now, he was always in my heart no matter what. i thought that i would eventually fight for him in the future but things change and plans somehow lose its goal. i wanted to be with him to feel alive again but i cant do that anymore. its nothing more than a memory now.

having to do the right thing for him, his child and myself was an event that i never imagined of doing but i did. i made a decision that would make my suffer and be blessed at the same time. i would suffer greatly for the loss but i would be blessed threefold for doing the right thing for everyone.

i would have to admit that it was hard for me but after what i did and the events the took place, i felt relieved.

i guess true great love is letting go of fear.

i realized that i have a great true love for him because i have gotten over the fear of losing him so that i could do something right this time. i wanted to regret it myself and i kept on asking, "what the fuck am i doing? im such an idiot," but instead i felt the opposite. i did not regret what i did and i did not regret having to have helped him, his child and the mother of his child.

i prayed that someday i would feel that desire to love someone a greatly as this.
i prayed that someday i would feel that love that he has given me all these years.
i prayed that someday i would feel that i want to give love tremendously for someone like him.
i prayed.

that's all i can do and im thankful to myself because after such a long time, i actually sacrificed, gotten hurt and ironically felt great at the same time.

great love requires sacrifice and i just realized how my love may have saved both our souls.






= S =