hey bitches!
while B and Chuck are sleeping i was compelled to read Christina's blog.
a shoutout to you CHRISTINA! bravo on pouring your heart our here and that's what this blog is all about. at least we know exactly what you feel and we dont need to guess anymore. i may not know how hard it feels for you right now but i just want you to know that we understand. we may not empathize nor sympathize even but we're here for you with a little EEK.
let me tell you something that i told Chuck a while ago.
i'm happy for him genuinely but i kinda envy him not only because he's happy but because he's feeling all these sorts of feeling when you're in love. i told him that i miss that feeling and i envy him for it even though i kept on saying that it's so corny and it's so pathetic.
I WANNA BE CORNY in LOVE AGAIN!!!
i want to feel that again. i may not be hating on him but i really want to feel what he's feeling right now.
so CHUCK, im glad you've found someone who would make you feel this way. i'd give anything to feel that way for someone again.
on another note, i feel very emotional these days. i just explode on DAN like a time-bomb and i was thinking if it was just me or am i tired of being pushed over by a MAN. you guys know how i hate being controlled and i guess im eating my words. HE DOES control most of my life right now, WHY? BECAUSE I CHEATED, and i hate this fucking line. he needs to get a new one since this shit is getting old. he was complaining earlier that i didnt go to riverside with him, that i didnt give support for him and that im not going stuff what a wife should and i just exploded.like seriously. WTF is he talking about? i may not always be there for him but dont give me this bullshit that i dont support you! you ASSHOLE!!!
sorry guys...i am being emotional right now since im so fed up with this bullshit. i know all of you are tired of hearing this from me. as B would say, "why dont you do something about it?". i am trying but whenever i explain myself to him he doesnt listen to me or hear me out saying that im naive, i dont know shit since im younger and i have no idea on how the world works and i should listen to him since he's older and because I CHEATED.
great.
i hate the fact that im neglected and unappreciated. this is the reason that i slipped twice already. he doesnt know this because i know its wrong to just slip just coz you're neglected or unappreciated but i cant help it. its totally wrong and all or you have warned me about this and yes, i brought it upon myself and i deserve this but then again, cant someone change? that's DAN's effin problem. he doesnt listen to me and he doesnt believe I CAN CHANGE.
buy fucking eyeglasses if you still cant see. bastard.
im ranting again for 15 minutes now. its already 1:18am and i better sleep before B sees im still awake. we have a better day when we all wake up. im glad that i've talked to Christina earlier today and i felt better talking to my "Ray of Sunshine and Hope", im glad that il be with B, my "Intellectual and OCD Guide" and Chuck, my "Love Inspiration".
love you guys, more than ever!
= S =
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